A little late night blogging to help unwind after this week...

My goal for this blog was to write and publish weekly. Fell a little short on that one. Oops! An hour or two late never hurt, right?

This week there's been quite a lot to get through. The beginning of the week had an uncontrolable crying, I'm-a-failure-kind of overtone. Maybe I should start from May of last year so you know why I felt that way. The last week of May 2011 found my family having to move out of our apartment and into my mother-in-law's house because I was the only one working and things were not looking up. We are still trying to dig out at this point, but progress is being made. The progress comes at a price.

My husband moved in with his oldest sister in July 2011 because he found work in a plant there. Driving time to visit is right around three hours. My daughter and I still live with my mother-in-law while I still have my same job. I have the help of my husband's family, but I'm essentially a single mommy for weeks on end. Parenting apart is hard. He has all the free time he doesn't want and I hardly do anything on my own.  My mother-in-law is a tremendous help, she keeps our daughter during the day while I work, along with giving us a place to live, but I still feel like I should be doing everything for my daughter when I'm home, like I owe all my time to her. I know most working mommies feel this way, I'm not here to doubt mommy guilt, merely to admit my own.

Some days it feels difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like if I worked harder or did more we wouldn't be where we are- in debt and struggling. I know we didn't get here solely because of me, but it feels that way. Feeling like a failure at being a supportive spouse and nurturing mother are a daily nag for me. Coping with these feelings can be overwhelming; I talk to friends, try to laugh and play as much as I can, often I eat the guilt literally.

There's a few songs out there that help guide me through this. No, not Martina McBride singing " I'm Gonna Love You Through It." Sorry, just not it. Here's a little playlist:

• Mumford & Sons: Roll Away Your Stone
• Blake Shelton: God Gave Me You (I know, he covered it, but I like this one best)
• Anberlin: Impossible
• Incubus: I Wish You Were Here
• Coldplay: Paradise
• Ray Lamontagne: You Are The Best Thing
• Foofighters: Learn To Fly
• Foofighters: Times Like These
• Foofighters: Walk

So there it is for this week. Thanks for getting through it with me.